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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129671">Sunrise</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyRogue/pseuds/ButterflyRogue'>ButterflyRogue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Loneliness, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Post-First War with Voldemort, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin Friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:20:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyRogue/pseuds/ButterflyRogue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>No sunrise lasts all morning.<br/>A glimpse of brilliance, blinding ribbons of pale blues and calming daffodil-yellows and within moments the explosions of colourful clouds are gone leaving the dull mistiness of sky.</p><p>By the time of the next one, he will have to learn how to be alone once again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sunrise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is actually a very old fic I wrote many years ago (2008-ish?) for some kind of a challenge and stumbled upon it recently while cleaning out the clutter on my hard drive. I ended up liking the premise so I decided to edit out the parts I wasn't happy with anymore and post it again here. I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No sunrise lasts all morning.</p><p>A glimpse of brilliance, blinding ribbons of pale blues and calming daffodil-yellows and within moments the explosions of colourful clouds are gone leaving the dull mistiness of sky.</p><p>The mirror reflection of a young man looks up tiredly, weariness around gentle eyes giving him the age he has no rightful reason to claim. Emptiness from the inside wells up in them, the shadows refusing to be lightened by the blinding gold and vibrant pink of the rising sun.</p><p>The air around him is thick, heavy, mirroring the heaviness lodged deeply in his chest as he combs trembling fingers through sandy hair then leans over a cracked basin and splashes cold water on his face until his cheeks are numb.</p><p>He's afraid of what the day will bring and he suddenly sees himself an eleven-year old boy again, his eyes wide, the morning's breathless excitement giving way to crippling terror as he clings to his mother’s arm watching people - more people he's ever seen in his <em>life</em> - move around the mesmerizing red of the steaming locomotive. Children pack in the train like restless ants in a matchbox, everyone talking at once, everyone waving and yelling their goodbyes, everyone so unbearably <em>loud</em>.</p><p>The only thing on his mind then was that gripping fear. Fear of a castle full of strangers, of halls full of loud, inquisitive children, fear of the lies he will be forced to maintain all the time for a whole year and than another and another and every year after that.</p><p>And suddenly, he knew he would never again be displeased with the remote Welsh wilderness and the little cottage which has been his entire world up until now. He knew he would never again feel imprisoned there. In fact, he makes a promise to himself with stubborn childish determination.</p><p>
  <em>Lupin, Remus</em>
</p><p>And he remembers trudging timidly towards the small stool, his face flushed self-consciously, for every eye in the enormous hall seems to be on him. However, as much as he is terrified of being here, he is also terrified of this funny old hat deciding he doesn't belong after all. He remembers the elation on his father's face as that kindly old wizard assured them there will be a place for Remus in his magical school and there's a peculiar sort of ache in his chest as he fears his disappointment should he muck this up somehow.</p><p>
  <em>Gryffindor!</em>
</p><p>As he walks towards the clapping sea of scarlet and gold, smiling bashfully despite himself, he can't quite understand how could he belong to the home of the brave when he had been plagued with fear from the second he stepped on that platform back in London. Still, the pats on the back and the handshakes and the smiles are comfortable, however temporary, and he is alone yet again as everyone turns to witness another sorting.</p><p>
  <em>Well done, mate!</em>
</p><p>He is turning to the sound of the voice, but it’s not, <em>of course</em>, directed to him.</p><p>A dark haired boy seated at his left is greeting his bespectacled friend who had just been sorted himself, pumping his fist in the air victoriously and sauntering through the crowd, the table roaring with applause once again. They sit together and laugh and tease each other and they look so happy, so careless, so <em>normal</em>.</p><p>He would like very much to be like this, yet he doesn't know how. He doesn't know how to communicate with children his own age, having had virtually no contact with them at all. Besides, he is not exactly <em>normal</em> either.</p><p>So, he is genuinely surprised when, after his little talk with that kindly old wizard he now calls Headmaster Dumbledore and a pocket full of biscuits from a tartan-patterned tin thrust upon him by his new Head of House, a terrifyingly strict woman with the kindest touch that steers him by the shoulder towards the Tower he is to call his home now, he stumbles in the common room and finds it crowded with chattering people that greet him as he is one of their own.</p><p>
  <em>Hi.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Umm, hello.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m Sirius Black and that’s my book you’re holding.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, I'm sorry. I didn’t know. It was here on the table and I---</em>
</p><p>The book is in his outstretched hand. Dark creatures - basics of defense.</p><p>
  <em>That’s alright. You can borrow it if you want. I’ve already read it anyway... What’s your name.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus… Remus Lupin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, Remus, you look as if you don’t really belong here, don’t you?</em>
</p><p>He is stunned. Pierced by this boy’s icy glare, astonished by the maturity of his statement, his eyes seeming to understand what it is like not to be normal. For a split second he panics, terrified that this boy somehow <em>knows</em> - knows what no one else must know!</p><p>
  <em>That’s alright, I don’t really belong here either. Not to this House anyway... Seems we’ll just have to make ourselves fit than. Make ourselves be accepted and find people willing to see behind something as trivial as a… name, for example.</em>
</p><p>He remembers staring blankly at the boy, not quite believing what he had just heard. Shocked how, to Remus, this <em>Sirius</em> seemed as a perfect image of an ordinary, normal, schoolboy mere hours ago. He remembers smiling. Actually genuinely smiling and nodding lightly. He remembers a cocky smile he gets in return. Youthful, careless, the perfect image of a normal schoolboy.</p><p>Memories are a tricky thing.</p><p>Happy can turn to bitter and there can be almost perverse joy in the worst ones.</p><p>That timid little boy got used to companionship far too quickly and found himself longing no more for the quiet, sheltered life he left behind. He finds home elsewhere, where he is not met with fear, where he does not have to hide from everyone anymore, where there is, surprisingly, understanding and a warm embrace of friendship where he expected repulsion.</p><p>And where, even at those most torturous sunrises, he is greeted by a stag, a dog and a rat who refuse to abandon him even at the most painful of times.</p><p>He thought the war would not harm their friendship. He had truly believed with childish naivete, even through the rows and the betrayals, that they were stronger than that. That they would never allow the grain of doubt to take reign in their minds.</p><p>He was wrong.</p><p>Sirius somehow turned out to be the one to suspect the most when rumours started of a traitor among them. Or at least, he was the most vocal about it. Ironic, really, of him to peg another for a traitor when Remus could still remember with painful clarity how he had betrayed <em>his</em> trust.</p><p>But he had tried so hard on his own forgiveness, for the sake of saving the friendship and acceptance he never expected yet now somehow couldn't bear to be without. He refused to believe Sirius was driven by true malicious intent, he always defended him in his mind, believed him misguided, his moral compass confused sometimes by the toxic environment he was brought up in.</p><p>Not anymore, though.</p><p>The mirror reflection stares blankly back into the dusty room. This young old man, barely over twenty and feeling as if there was no life for him anymore. It still feels unreal. Like the worst nightmare imaginable, for him to go to bed one evening with friends and a purpose and wake up with none.</p><p>He had longed once, long ago, to shut himself back into his quiet village, terrified of changes, strangers and uncertainties. He tries to reach back to that lonely little boy again, but fails. He has too many memories now, too many experiences. He doesn't know how to shut himself from the world anymore, the world his friends have opened up for him, the world he had embraced so firmly, and going back to the shadows suddenly seems impossible.</p><p>His steps feel as heavy as if his shoes were made of lead, but he still drags himself to the Ministry, slips into the courtroom and presses himself into the darkest corner he can find as the Wizengamot delivers their verdict.</p><p>Sirius Black sits motionless, his head bowed, his hands bound to the chair, oddly calm compared to the stories he heard of him screaming and fighting like a madman while the Aurors were attempting to take him away. For a moment he looks up and Remus meets his gaze. There is a spark of recognition in those cold, grey eyes, a spark of an apology unspoken, a spark --- of something Remus hopes is simply a glint of insanity and not a final cry for help from an innocent man wrongly blamed, misunderstood. And a memory of two eleven-year-olds sharing a moment of understanding, laying foundation for a future of friendship and brotherhood, flies through the room as a passing pretty thought, sucked up by that Dementor, standing vigil by its prisoner like a dark sentinel of despair.</p><p>He is left standing there long after they have taken Sirius away.</p><p>The sun is already turning to west when he exits the Ministry. The purples and bright oranges and intense bloody reds follow him as he wanders aimlessly into the crowded London streets, losing himself among the Muggles, craving for anonymity.</p><p>He dislikes sunsets. They are too intensive, announcing the region of pale moonlight by giving it far too much importance.</p><p>No, he had always preferred the gentle vibrancy of a perfectly pink sunrise.</p><p>Even though by the time of the next one, he will have to learn how to be alone once again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not ship Wolfstar, which is why I didn’t put a proper relationship tag to this story. There’s actually only one reason why I can’t get behind this ship and it’s that prank Sirius wanted to pull on Snape where he sent him into the Shrieking Shack on the night of the full moon. I just can’t bring myself to enjoy my favourite character in a relationship with someone who nearly had him face his literal worst fear which is to maim, kill or turn another human being while he is transformed, just for shits and giggles. This is also the reason why I don't find it strange that Sirius suspected Remus being the spy in the First war as their friendship likely never quite recovered after that. And vice versa, I understand why Remus didn’t doubt Sirius was guilty of betraying James and Lily as he knew him to betray one of his best friends' trust once before. That being said, even though I did not intend this to be a Wolfstar piece, if any shippers do find this fic enjoyable and choose to read it as Wolfstar, it will be my absolute pleasure to hear from you as well. 💕</p></blockquote></div></div>
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